The ground is falling away

September 9, 2008

You will be pleased to hear that I am not scheduled for demotion, unlike a third of the people in my office.

The cushy job of minimal work that made me so bored I started this blog looks like it may be coming to an end soon – to be replaced by what you ask? More of the same, as far as I can tell, just much more of the same old same old.

I think I’m going to re-read all my books on plotting.

Ye Gods!

August 28, 2008

I have The Consumption. There is little hope for me now. My chest feels compressed like the Man from Mars*

My brain is all swimmy. My cough is all coughy. If this gets much worse I’ll have to not come to work tomorrow.

*Stranger in a Strange land is most absorbing so far, although I couldn’t read on the train this morning as I felt barely conscious. Alas!

emotions – doing something – cliched

August 20, 2008

There is no end to the amount of cliches available when talking about emotions. I don’t think I’ve been on a rollercoaster or that they have run wild. I have, however, had two emotional experiences in the last 24 hours which I’d like to share.

Last night I got a text from mother saying the dear old cat had died. She was very old, having been my cat since I was about seven years old, but the last few years she has really been my mum’s cat and spent every evening perched on her lap. I cried for poor old kitty, curled up in a hug on the bed, and new kitty Fattie came over to rub her face on my wrist in a genuinely concerned way. This made me laugh. I don’t think there has been a time I have cried in the last 5 years when something hasn’t made me laugh. Such is the strange nature of my crying.

Mother emailed me today about kitty, saying despite incredible deterioration kitty had still managed to make a glarey enough face to frighten a squirrel out of the garden. RIP kitty ❤

The second event was this morning, when neighbour returned from wherever he had been off work to catch the morning bus again. He lent me a book, Stranger in a Strange Land, saying that this was the 13th time he had bought a copy to lend to someone. He is truly a man after my own heart. Just the other night I had been looking at my bookshelf thinking that the best books, the ones that get you really excited, are the ones you need to share and end up lending out and giving away so that eventually all that’s left on your shelf is the dross. Which is a bit sad really as I aspire to a truly grand library.


August 13, 2008

I am experiencing Brainfail. I am still articulate but there are parts that aren’t registering on internal scans. I may try writing when I leave work; having gaps in my head seems to help with this. I think because the bits that hold me back might be gone.

See to learn about inner editor curse. I bought a copy of the book but last November I got ill and couldn’t do it.

Huzzah! Exciting new layout

August 12, 2008

Although classy I was finding the old layout a little hard to navigate. The type was also too small. And I wanted tabs at the top, which I have now used to start noting down my list of books that I want to read that usually rattles around in my head. Undoubtedly this will grow, suggestions are welcome. I think I’m labouring under the falsehood that eventually I will be able to read ALL the books. All the books ever.

I think I have a stone uterus: I can feel a whole lot of squeezing but not a lot of blood is coming out. A good metaphor for my own stubborness but uncomfortable when stuck on a crappy office chair.

I apologise if that was a little graphic for anyone but it says on the back of my feminist membership card that I can and am actively encouraged to blog about mentruation. So there it is. I’m not sure what the rest of the card says; I’ve had it in my back pocket for a while and some of the words have rubbed off. I did pull it out yesterday though, after soon-to-be-ex Housefolk made some joke about not needing women’s sports to which I replied “We do need them, or else we wouldn’t have any Olympic medals.” Take that, foolish fool!

The conversation took place after Team GB had won gold for street cycling and gold and bronze in swimming. I’m not in to sports myself but hope that these medals go some way to strengthening the legitimacy of female participation.

A terrible accident

August 11, 2008

Something awful happened yesterday. I was meeting one of my significants in town he called to ask where he could find me – on the spot I answered Borders. He arrived just ten minutes later but it was already too late and I had picked up a massive stack of books. It is the first time I have used a basket in a bookshop it was that bad. I purchased:

  1. The Watchmen graphic novel (that I tried to get last year but is now suddenly available since the movie trailers started showing)
  2. The Gothic and Lolita Bible (I had no idea that non-goth lolita was so popular. Also included bonus sewing patterns)
  3. Red Seas under Red Skies (the sequel to the Lies of Locke Lamora)
  4. An economics book (for the education of my brain)
  5. That GMTV Penny Smith book for my mum
  6. A gift for my partner to calm him down before his job interview

This is what happens when I decide to not spend money for a bit. And now my book pile is mountainous and will probably fall on me causing me to die horribly of crushing injuries and papercuts. If I should die with books unread I will ensure a clause in my will forces someone to read them all.

Superiority complex

August 8, 2008

My personal privileges as a white middle class UK citizen were brought to light this week by two very different encounters. The first was when a large group of black teenage boys wanted to get on the bus, weren’t allowed, then one of them sabotaged the bus. Although sabotaging a bus is rarely the best cause of action I sympathise with the boys. They are one of the most despised groups in our society, and one that it seems socially acceptable to despise since all the press about gangs, knife and gun crime. They were probably correct when they claimed the bus driver was being racist. I can appreciate the driver was intimidated by the number of them and only wanted to admit some to reduce the chance of rowdiness, but the fact that they could see there was space for them all to fit antagonised them. Unfortunately they did get a little rowdy then, proving in the minds of the passengers what they had suspected all along.

It’s actually that part that happened after that I had most problem with. The boys were not a gang, they were a football team on their way to practice. Despite that the disruntled passengers complained the driver should have done something sooner, they shouldn’t have been allowed onto another bus, and one of them called the police. These were all middle class white people, all very annoyed that their bus had been messed with. The guy who called the police actually shouted at the rest of us for not standing up with him when he confronted one of them (he’s obviously been reading too many opinion pieces on the Independent website). No one spoke up for the kids, but I guess there could have been some secret sympathisers.

I understand why they feel safer in large groups now, with so many suspicious glances.

Not that I understand their entire lives, obviously, though I do think hating teenagers is one of the first signs of aging.

My second encounter was with my new friend Neighbour. Neighbour lives next door (duh) and gets the same bus as me in the morning, giving us the opportunity for a five minute chat before the bus arrives. He is about 60, a working class Brummie who builds staircases for shops. I, being middle class and highly educated, assumed that I was so very much more clever than Neighbour, until we had a chat about books. He is a sci-fi fanatic and loves to read at any given opportunity, though for unspecified reasons (probably since he started living in pokey bedsits) he hasn’t read a book for 3 years. I could not allow this so I lent him A Brave New World and Oryx and Crake the next day: the only sci-fi books I could find at short notice. He was most pleased, and promised to lend me a book of his when another friend returns it, about a half-human half-martian and featuring philosophical discussion on the value of marriage. That is a book I would like to read. Which surprised me. Because I do have huge prejudices in the way I see the world, and I judged Neighbour on his appearance and class and his current main hobby of drinking Carling.

I am glad Neighbour befriended me, he has helped me see flaws in myself that I can address.